OAP - Issue 3
- Where are we?
- TMM Secrets #2: Approaching, part II
- Approaching: Advanced Section
- Conclusion
1. Where are we?
The Mystery Method (TMM) is a step-by-step system to meet, attract, and begin a sexual relationship with beautiful women.
It’s not an ivory tower theory. It was developed by men such as yourself who wanted to succeed with women. From different cities around the world, we shared ideas, tactics, and, most importantly, results. When one of us had a breakthrough, the others tested and refined it. We kept what worked over and over, and discarded what did not.
These days we’re sharing our secrets. The Online Apprenticeship Program (OAP) is part of that. To find out more about us, check out our website.
This is the third installment in the OAP. You should have already studied our welcome email, the description of the model, and the first email about approaching women who you don’t know.
Today’s installment continues and finishes the subject of approaching – essentially, how to start a conversation with strangers. The last OAP talked about how to start a conversation with a woman or her group through opinion openers. So now that you know what to say, now it’s a matter of learning the tips and tricks, the bells and whistles that make it all work.
By the way, “approaching” is the first of seven steps to a woman’s heart (or her bed). To see where we are and what is coming next, check out our mini-guide to the Emotional Progression Model.
Without further ado….
2. TMM Secrets #2: Approaching, part II
The False Time Constraint
If you’re using an opinion opener, somewhere in the first 60-90 seconds, you need to deliver what we call a false time constraint. Here are a couple of examples:
- I should only stay for a second, I have my friends here
- My friends will be back in a second, so answer me this…
- I ’m on the way to [someplace else], but before I go…
I emphasized the word “implies” in the previous paragraph for a reason. You don’t want her to think you are explaining yourself, or apologizing for your presence. To make this clear, here are some examples of bad false time constraints:
- Just one more question…
- I’m going to leave you guys alone in a minute, but before I go…
- Sorry to bother you again, but…
Why is a false time constraint important? To understand this, we need to take a bit of a detour through what it’s like to be a beautiful woman.
When she goes to a restaurant or a bar or a nightclub, people stare at her. Many men want to be with her. She knows this, and many women enjoy the psychological validation. A lot of them stare at her because they want her but don’t have the courage to approach her. This is why the “three-second rule” from the last OAP is important. But for those that do, a beautiful woman naturally falls into the frame of “screening” you. She has something you want, and she is looking at you to see if you will prove yourself worthy.
That’s not the way we want things to be – not if you’re using an opinion opener anyway. (It’s okay if you’re using a direct opener or a screening opener yourself; these are covered in Magic Bullets as well as in CD#1 on Opening, where you can hear live examples of some of our best openers as they are actually delivered).
A false time constraint implies that you are not someone who is jumping through her hoops in hopes of winning her affection. You just happened to be talking to her (and her group) because you want her opinion on something.
This is different from what other men are doing, allows her to let her guard down a little bit, and gives her a little bit of a challenge. [I say “a little bit” here because most of this stuff is actually done later, in the Attraction phase. A false time constraint just gets the ball rolling].
The false time constraint is a powerful tool in terms of framing and sub-comminication. You can read about this in the advanced section at the end of this installment.
Notional Input
Most opinion openers aren’t just one-sentence “lines”, they are more like mini-scripts. Take, for example, the “jealous girlfriend” opener (credit Style):
Man: Hey guysDo you notice that three times in this opener there is an opportunity for the women in the group to comment and give their opinion, but it does not change what the man is going to say next. Even if they say something totally off-topic to what you’re talking about, continue anyway. You’ll be surprised how well this works if you project confidence.
Group: [Stop conversation, look at man]
Man: Alright, I need you guys to settle some drama we have here. Would you [pointing to the women in the group] ever date someone who was good friends with their ex-girlfriend?
Women: [Response]
Man: I should only stay a second, my friends will be wondering, but here’s the situation. My good friend Jamie, his girlfriend just moved into his condo and she finds this box, with pictures and letters from his ex. How would you feel about that?
Women: [Response]
Man: So she says he’s got to get rid of the box and never talk to her again. I’m not from [whatever city you are in]; is this a normal [name of city] woman thing to do?
Women: [Response]
This is called notional input. You are allowing them to contribute their input to the conversation, which gets them psychologically invested in the interaction. Notional input also breaks up the flow of what you are saying so that you are not approaching with a long drawn-out monologue that could come off as rehearsed and/or strange.
The concept of notional input can also be extended to loud venues, where you sometimes can’t hear exactly what a woman is saying.
Never ask a woman to repeat herself when you’re still in the Approaching phase. It slows down the momentum of the conversation and can be frustrating (especially if you don’t understand what she is saying the second time). And it’s totally unnecessary. Just say whatever you were going to say anyway.
By the way, I hope you noticed the false time constraint in the above example.
Don’t treat this opener as a script to follow word-for-word. Just get the general idea of how it works. Magic Bullets contain many more openers as well as a step-by-step guide to create your own.
One final note. The phrase: “I’m not from [whatever city you are in]; is this a normal [name of city] woman thing to do?” is optional. I’d recommend it unless you happen to be in the city in which you were born and raised. Why? Because this gives the group an opportunity to ask where you’re from. If that happens, this gets them slightly more engaged in the conversation, and is an easy lead-in to the Transitioning phase, which we will discuss in the next OAP.
For now, all you need to know about Transitioning is that it’s where you take a one-subject conversation (e.g., your friend Jamie’s girlfriend) and turn it into a normal conversation where you can talk about lots of things, including things that will get the woman you want attracted to you. No woman is going to fall in love (or into bed) with you talking about your friend’s ex-girlfriend all night. But it’s not always easy to move asking someone’s opinion on something to chatting away about other unrelated subjects. If you do, it can come off oddly, and you risk the group thinking (or saying) “wait, didn’t you come over her to ask our opinion on something?” They’ll sense your hidden agenda and that you really approached them to hit on someone.
To be clear, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to make your intentions known to a woman early on. You can go up to a woman and tell her that she looks interesting and you’re curious about her. That’s fine. That’s another kind of opener. There are seven in all; opinion openers are just one type. We cover all of this in Magic Bullets as well as in the Interview CD #1 on Approaching.
What you want to avoid is using an opinion opener and then inadvertently revealing your intentions immediately after. Doing that implies that you are interested in a woman but don’t have the confidence to approach her directly. Either get credit for confidence and take her by surprise with a direct approach, or stay under the radar and win her over a couple of minutes later in the Attraction phase, but don’t mix the two.
Different Types of Openers
Speaking of different types of openers, keep in mind that opinion openers are particularly good for bars, with women you don’t already know. For different social contexts (friends, work, daytime, etc.), you’ll need a different approach. Rather than reinventing the wheel, I’m going to send you to the free chapter on approaching from Magic Bullets.
By the way, if you don’t know what Magic Bullets is, it’s our “bible” – featured on Playboy TV, on CBS, and based on what we used to use to train our instructors. For more information on Magic Bullets – including a chapter-by-chapter summary, check out the Magic Bullets Homepage.
You’re going to need Magic Bullets eventually, so why not take a moment now to pick it up and get started.
3. Approaching: Advanced Section
Why are we spending so much time discussing the first couple of minutes of meeting a woman? It’s because these are by far the most important minutes in your interaction. Most women decide well before the first five minutes whether they are interested in sleeping with you – and your looks only play a small part in this (for most women). This is why we released a CD with two of our top instructors, The Don and Tenmagnet, specifically on The First Five Minutes. In this CD, the experts going through their checklist of everything you should accomplish in the first five minutes of meeting a woman, and how to make it all happen.
I promised earlier that we’d cover frames and sub-communication, so here goes.
A frame is the context in which an interaction takes place. Frames can be quite malleable, and change rapidly during a conversation. I’ll illustrate with a sample dialogue.
- Joe: That’s a nice purse
- Jane: Sorry, I have a boyfriend
- Joe: I understand. I’m not looking for anything long-term either
- Jane: But I hardly know you!
- Joe: Of course we’re not going to have sex right here right now. We’re in public for goodness sake. We need to have comfort and trust first and see if we like each other. I don’t want you to rush me.
- Jane: I’m not rushing you!
- Joe: That’s great…so many woman want to rush things. I’m glad you want to take a couple of hours first to get to know each other and see if we have sexual chemistry. So anyway…
By the way, “that’s a nice purse” is a terrible opener. Don’t use it. It’s only here for the example.
Men who are masters of social dynamics and attracting beautiful women are pretty much always masters of frame control and sub-communication. It’s probably the most important skill you can have. It’s a bit of an advanced subject and we’ll probably come back to it at some point in the future, but to get more in-depth on this, you can study the hour-long audio CD of myself and Sinn, one of our star instructors, breaking it down in Interview CD #5 on Frame Control.
4. Q&A
We only have space for one question today, so here goes:
Dear Savoy,
I just got OAP #2 on Approaching and I love it. I didn’t know that it was so easy to go up to complete strangers and start a conversation with them. I don’t just use this on women I want to be with; it makes ice-breaking at parties, conventions, or any big gathering easier. BTW, the CD on opening really helped, listening to you guys actually say this stuff really helped me learn how it’s done.
One thing that worries me is how many people get the OAP? Isn’t there some danger that someone will “I’ve heard that before?”
- J.K., Santa Cruz, CADear J.K.,
Thanks for the note. I often get mail like this, especially from people in sales or other business functions who report that these skills (plus an overall boost in confidence from enjoying more success with women) have helped their career dramatically. In a sense, what we teach is about psychology, not dating, but to keep things clear, we focus on the dating angle.
I have a couple of points that I want to make in response to your email:
- Opinion Openers are NOT the best type of opener to use in environments where everyone is connected like a party or a convention. We call approaching women who you don’t necessarily know but are connected to in some way “Warm Approach” and Tenmagnet and I go into a lot of detail on this in CD #13 on Warm Approach. In one sentence, you’re much better with a functional or no opener here. See Chapter 5 (on Approaching) of Magic Bullets – (this chapter is available for free here). But if warm approach is going to be a significant part of your game, pick up the CD.
- You shouldn’t run into woman who’ve heard the same opener before because you should make your own. Magic Bullets has a step-by-step guide.
5. Conclusion
That’s it for the approaching phase. Your homework before the n ext OAP is to keep approaching groups until you feel confident and successful most of the time. Once you’re at the stage, invent your own opener and refine it until you can get it to work as well as the examples we’ve given you (remember – Magic Bullets has a step-by-step guide for this if you need it).
See you in a couple of days!
Take Care,
Savoy
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